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Dear Judged
Dear New De JudgeYou are replacing the Dear De Judge, who will be sorely missed. De Judge is responsible for what is the best website on Planet Earth. What promises and assurances can you give us? Do you promise to be a pig? Do you promise to rule with complete arbitrariness and capriciousness? Please tell us all about you, and your dimensions, height, weight, etc. Thank you,

Richard X. Brown.


rbrown
posted 2006-08-15 17:39:49


Dear rbrown,

Dear Mr. Brown,

Firstly, de new Judge assures you that she holds de old, dearly departed Judge in the highest esteem. (Departed to his Canadian homeland. Really. Not dead at all. Just like Fidel Castro. You, and all the rest of her newly inherited loyal flunkies can look forward to a smooth transition, with no interruption in your daily intake of illogic and bad taste.

Her Honor is inclined, however, to take issue with your use of the word “pig” in what she can only assume is a pejorative sense. Have the accomplishments of the many hardworking Swinish-Americans over the last twenty-five years failed to impress themselves upon you, sir? How can such prejudice continue to exist in this day and age? Her Honor is deeply shocked and saddened, and must now wander off for a moment to play McDonalds Sims (http://www.mcvideogame.com/game-eng.html)to console herself that the world is a friendly place still.

As for the personal information you requested…well! It’s terribly flattering to be asked, of course. For security reasons, Her Honor is not permitted to give detailed information about her location and identity. She doesn’t think it can hurt, however, to let you know that many people have favorably compared her to Angelina Jolie. (Though, admittedly, that was in relation to her last three choices of husband.)

Her Honor thanks you for your loyalty to the site, hopes she has answered all your questions, and invites you, in conclusion, to watch an offensive informational cartoon about George Washington. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=pc9y5ayeeb4)

Thank you!

De (New) Judge

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Dear Judged


Dear Your Honor,
Dear Judge,

Do you ever experience any physical danger in the courtroom?  You do deal with all those criminals, right? 

Sincerly,

Concerned Bailiff's Mommy



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